Dear SunyungI wrote a paragraph about my chilhood: My childhood as source of patient My childhood is a very important stage of my life. In this stage I did my studies in a public school in a small city. I went to school in the morning, from 6 at 12 am, and then I was riding bikes, playing soccer and running by the city and rural areas with mi friends. In hot days I could go to the river, I could swim and play for free. Also, I went to fish with my father. I was many hours with him, and, at this afternoon, I learned to have patient and to discover the world. At that time, things were simpler than now. Today, the children can not to do this sort of things, and they stay at home and only got out with their parents. The boys get up as 4 am and stay at school from 6 am to 4 pm. After these school activities, they have to do the homework. Today, the boy’s life is very hard. To sum up, this stage helped me learn a simpler way to enjoy the life.
Oscar, this is an interesting story. I like how you organized your essay. There are some grammatical errors, but they do not hinder my understanding. Your topic sentence and your concluding sentence sound strong. You used the past tense and the present tense correctly most of the time. One thing I would like to suggest is to use some complex sentences in your writing. For academic writing, complex structure is more adequate in many cases. Also, there are some punctuation errors. I will discuss this issue in class.Overall, you did a great job!